a long time.

Y’all are so kind to continue reading my blog.  Even though I haven’t posted in nearly 3 weeks, and have barely posted in the past 7, people are still reading.  So thanks for reading.  Thanks for loving our family.

 

I think my absence on here has led some people to wonder just how I’m doing and if I’m ok.  There have been some times in the past 7 weeks where I’m ok and some where I’m not.  There have been some times where I’m happy and many where I’m not.  There have been normal rhythms of life and then they’re just as quickly interrupted.

 

I do have lots to share.  A lot has happened in the past month plus.  And I want to recap more of Gabriel time — his birthday, his burial, his celebration service.  I will be working on writing those posts.  I’m also working on real life stuff.  Mail piles up so quickly, doesn’t it?  I’ve been going through stacks of mail and bills.  I started cooking again last week.  Thanks to some really wonderful people, I was able to squeeze a full 6 weeks with no cooking.  Craziness.

 

 

Our updates:

 

I’ve been very frustrated lately with my physical health.  I had to make 2 trips to the ER and have had some problems with my heart, among other things.  We’re thankful that it doesn’t appear to be anything serious, but is hopefully all driven by hormone changes during this peripartum time.  I find myself being full of self pity as to why I can’t just have a normal recovery.  But I’ve been reminded that hormones can do some crazy things and do control a lot.  I never knew they could play a role in my heart and electrolytes, but we’re hopeful things will be well controlled now that I’ve started taking a new medicine.  I’m also remembering that self pity is a terrible thing.  I’m very thankful for my friends who continue to love me through healthy days and crazy heart beat days, through “more sane” days and just crazy days.  God has given us really great people in our lives.

 

 

Gabriel —

We got pictures from the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep photographer, and they’re amazing.  They are the most beautiful pictures of our sweet Gabriel.  I will share some of them soon and share more about the NILMDTS organization.  These people have been such a blessing to our family, and the pictures of Gabriel have brought me great comfort and joy already.

 

Depending on your point of view, we are either dragging our feet or taking our time on the marker for Gabriel’s grave.  I got an email a couple of weeks ago from the woman at the cemetery saying the template for his market was in.  I haven’t opened the email yet.  It seems really final to give our “OK” for what will forever mark where his body is buried.

 

 

Jack —

Jack was a pretty perfect kid for about 5 weeks.  The 5 weeks after Gabriel was born, Jack was so so well-behaved.  He made our lives easier.  It was definitely a blessing not to have to handle a typical 2 year old for a little while while we started grieving.  Now I can report that our two year old Jack is back in full force 🙂   He’s still an awesome kid.  He always has been.  And he is so full of joy, like always, and has the sweetest heart, like always.  But tantrums and tempers and emotions have kicked back in, and our boy is back to keeping us on our toes.  And as long as our toes are outside doing what he wants to be doing, then we’re all good.

 

He had his 2 year old check up recently and is very healthy.  Something I do not take for granted.  Our pediatrician is wonderful and very interested in both of our boys.  So at Jack’s check up we talked about both of our boys, and I was happy to be able to show him our Gabriel pictures and tell him all about our second son.  He had wanted to be there when Gabriel was born, but we forgot to call him.  So Jack is very healthy.  He weighed in just shy of 33 pounds, which puts him over the 90th percentile for weight.  He’s 35 inches tall, making him above the 50th percentile for length.  He is a big boy who now talks all the time.  We spend our days being very active and now talking a lot!  He wants to know what everything is and how to say it, and he wants to make sure he is saying it correctly and being heard correctly.  We’re really starting to be able to have good conversations with him, which is a lot of fun.

 

 

So, we’re here.  I’m still here.  Writing has been a bit intimidating to me, and I’ve been so tired that it’s hard for me to stay up and write like I used to do.  So now I’m going to go watch the Bachelorette.  Judge away.